Smeagol and Dobby, Friends forever
by Kiz Emberley
Summary: Smeagol and Dobby meet at the Forbidden Pool, and this is what happens. A bit crazy, but that owes to our warped sense of humour.
1. Many Meetings

A/N hi I'm smeagol 1. my partner smeagol 2, is writting every 2nd chapter.   
  
Disclaimer- i dont own Smeagol or Dobby well der. i also dont own the sayings or the other LOTR or HP characters. the only things i own are the plot and made up characters.   
  
Chapter 1   
  
" Stupid hobbitses, ruining rabbits and nice fissh. But not uss precious no we likes them raw and wriggling." said Smeagol.   
  
"You likes them raw and wriggling too?" asked Dobby the house-elf. Dobby was on his day out having a picnic(or at least that is what he called it). The Picnic that Dobby was having was next to the Forbidden Pools. Why it was called this no one Dobby knew, knew.   
  
"You scares us you stupid thing. you made uss lose our juicy sweeeet fish you does." said Smeagol.   
  
'Dobby is very sorry, sir, but Dobby like raw fish yes and Dobby likes taters with his fish.' said Dobby.   
  
"Doesn't you means PO-TAT-O's?" said Smeagol, remembering what the fat stupid hobbit (aka Samwise Gamgee) had said.   
  
"Yes thats it Fry em' mash em' stick em' in a stew." Dobby said in a sing-song voice.   
  
"That's what the stupid hobbitses likes. bets you likes golden chipses too?" asked Smeagol.   
  
"Yep sure does but Dobby means no disrespect sir in saying this but doesnt you likes your master?"   
  
"master nice yes nice hobbitses but they ruins nice fish. Precious doesnt understand whys they have to cookses it." said Smeagol almost in tears.   
  
"Dobby would like to say sir that even though your master ruins nice fish there are still some of us out there that like raw fish sir."said Dobby "Dobby thinks we should be friends sir, Smeagol does you want to be Friends?".   
A/N so what do you think? i know for a fact that if they are not already up there will be at least 2 more chapters coming. 


	2. Preciouses and Daisy Chainss and Profess...

**Disclaimer:** Sméagol/Gollum and Dobby do not belong to me, they belong to the brilliant JRR Tolkien and JK Rowling, whom you should bow down to and worship, as do any other HP or LOTR characters.

**A/N:** G'day to all Sméagol fans. Yes, I am Australian. Now this chapter is written by Sméagol 2 (or Emberley), as opposed to Sméagol 1 (or Kiz), my bestest buddy, who wrote Chap. 1. Don't flame us, please, but you probably won't flame if I tell you almost everything in this chapter came to me at 11pm one night.

**Chapter 2** - _Preciouses and Daisy Chains and Things_ - By Emberley

Sméagol and Dobby have become great friends and are frolicking through a daisy field hand in hand, picking daisies to make daisy chains for Harry Potter and the Master of the Precious. Each of them carries a cane basket, filled almost to the brim with daisies they have already collected.

When they decide they have enough, they plop down on the ground. Dobby stares at the clouds, and absent-mindedly begins making daisy chains. Sméagol looks at his daisies, then at Dobby, then at his hands.

"How does we do it, Precious, how does we, eh?" he asks. Dobby makes no sign of hearing him, so Sméagol grabs him by the shoulders and yells, "Oy! Look at me when I'm talkin' to you!"

Dobby looks at Sméagol for a sec and then his expression changes. He looks like he is about to faint. Sméagol looks rather worried. Dobby faints, and Sméagol catches him. Dobby's daisy chain falls out of his hand, as he lies unconscious.

"What did we say, Precious, what did we say? It goes to sleep it does."

Sméagol splashes some water from the lake (**a/n**: don't ask me where they are, as far as I know there are no daisy fields at Hogwarts, but anyway, chalk it up to poetic licence) on Dobby's face. Dobby springs to life.

"Did Sméagol call Dobby ... precious?" Sméagol looks really worried. What exactly is Dobby driving at here?

"Yes, we did, precious, yes we did." He changes the subject. "Now, how does we do it?"

So Dobby sets about teach Sméagol to make Daisy chains for the MotP

After several hours of daisy chain making, Dobby puts his flowers down and begins complaining about being hungry. Sméagol agrees and says he will catch some fish. Before Dobby can stop him, he dives into the lake.

Meanwhile, for no other reason other than this author feels like it, she decides to appear in the Daisy Chain and get revenge on a particularly annoying person.

'Oy, Dobby,' she calls, 'have you seen Gilderoy Lockhart anywhere?'

'Did someone say my name?' asks the overly cheerful voice of the writer as he dances into the daisy field happily unaware of what's coming to him.

The author, Sméagol 2, or Emberley as she will forthwith be known, walks up to the professor and smiles sweetly at him.

"Professor, this is something I've wanted to do for a very long time.'

'What meet me? Oh, well, I can under-'

'Er. No. This.' THWACK!!!!!

'Ow!' Gilderoy sits down on a rock and starts crying. 'What was that for?'

'_That_ was for being the most annoyingly full-of-himself, stupid _fraud_ that I have _ever_ met!'

Gilderoy continues to sob hysterically.

**A/N:** No offence to Gilderoy fans. I love him dearly, really I do, it's just that sometimes he gets on my nerves. Next chapter will be up soon!! Please review.


	3. A little bit hectic

**A/N:** Okay, we know, we know, it's been about a year or longer, but we decided to write the rest of the story together and not alternate chapters, and we started it in the Christmas holidays and Emberley hasn't been at Kiz's house, which is where the file is, for ages and so, yeah. Sorry! We'll try to do better next time.

**Reviewers:**

**Point Ears Are My Thing **- Hey, they're not that ugly… well, they are, but well, ner.

**Karina** - You make no sense to us.

**Kizza **- Thanks for the review. (Emberley is sitting here rolling her eyes)

Chapter 3 - The Certain Person 

Kiz shakes her head and pats Lockhart on the back in a sort of consoling manner. "Cheer up Locky," she tells him, 'only girls cry in public.

Professor Snape suddenly appears in the field and roles his eyes at Lockhart. 'Well, that would explain why _he's_ crying then.'

The wind suddenly carries two singing voices on the wind. "_Rock and pool are nice and cool. So juicy sweeeeeeeeeeeeeet!_"

Lockhart is instantly entranced. He looks around, trying to locate the sound. "What a beautiful sound!"

The song continues: "_We only wish to catch a fish. So juicy sweeeeeeeeeeeeeet!"_

Lockhart continues looking around and then makes up his mind. "I must find the source of this beautiful noise!" He attempts to Disapparate, but ends up splinching himself.

Kiz sighs, exasperated, and un-splinches him. 'Locky, how many times have we _told_ you not to try Disapparating since you got your memory back?"

Lockhart is overcome with gratitude. "Thank you, Kiz!" he exclaims, and then grabs her and kisses her.

Snape and Emberley are both completely disgusted. Snape puts his hands over his face to block out the terrible sight, while Emberley grabs some of his robes and buries her face in them. He immediately grabs her and pushes away, so she walks off in a huff.

Finally, Lockhart and Kiz break apart. Kiz is absolutely beaming. That is, until she collapses on the grass, unconscious.

Emberley, who by now has come back, screams in horror. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY BEST FRIEND??? YOU'VE KILLED HER!!!!!!" She begins chasing Lockhart through the daisies.

Meanwhile, Snape checks over to see what the matter is. He realises what is wrong, and attempts to get Emberley's attention. 'Oy, Emberley, do you want to know what's wrong with Kiz." She doesn't here him as she is still chasing and yelling at Lockhart.

Snape grabs her by the wrist which is met with a cry of, 'Lemme go, I'm gonna kill him!!!!!' He grimaces, but for Kiz's sake, bends down and kisses Emberley in the hope stunning her into a stunned silence.

Emberley is silent for about two seconds of stunned silence. "Kiz, Snape _kissed _me!!! He _kissed _me!!!' She looks around for Kiz and then remembers what happened to her. She yanks herself out of Snape's grip and resumes her Lockhart-chasing. Snape, thinking that is really unfair that Kiz should have to die just because she had a best friend like this, Disapparates and reluctantly kisses Emberley again.

Emberley finally shuts up because she figures Snape would _not_ kiss her twice for any reason at all. "All right, Sev, what's the matter? This better be important."

Rolling his eyes, Snape explains that Kiz isn't dead; she has simply had an allergic reaction to the spell that Lockhart uses to keep his teeth straight. Emberley, of course, bursts into fits of giggles.

'He uses a _spell_ on his _teeth_?' Bursts into uncontrollable laughter. Snape slaps her; she is being very unhelpful.

'Do you want Kiz to die, or do you want to actually do something about it?'

'What do we do?' Snape whispers in her ear. Emberley groans. 'No, please no! Anything but that!'

Snape shakes his head. 'No other way, I'm afraid.'

Emberley sighs. 'Okay. If you say so. We'll have to find the Certain Person and bring him here, so he can bring her back. Argh, dammit.'

'What's wrong?'

'I _hate_ him. I don't want to see him _kissing_ her.'

'You're not jealous, are you, Emberley?'

'What? I don't even know him. I just know _of_ him. From Kiz.'

'So how can you hate him if you've never met him?'

'I get the vibes.'

Snape nods sceptically. 'If you say so. So do you know where to find him?'

'Roughly, yeah. Would you Disapparate me there?'

Snape nods. "All right." Emberley links her arm in his, which he doesn't particularly like, but he gets over it, because if anyone is used to getting over things, it's Severus Snape.

A couple of seconds later, they appear in front of a house a few blocks down from Kiz's. Snape looks up at it.

'Is this it?'

Emberley nods. 'Yep.' She goes up to the door and knocks. A couple of seconds later it's answered by a cute guy who has a touch of an English accent.'

'Hi…' His voice trails off, so Emberley takes over.

'Peter, we need your help. Kiz is unconscious on account of she's allergic to Gilderoy Lockhart's teeth, and the only thing that can wake her is a kiss from her true love and as she's had a secret crush on you for the last 6 months, we can't think of anyone else who might fit the bill. Would you be willing to save her?'

Peter looks shocked. 'Well, I don't know. Her dad might…'

'Her dad doesn't need to know.'

'You can be there and back in two seconds,' Snape adds. 'Are you in?'

'Thanks Peter!!!' Emberley hugs him, despite having never met him before today. Snape Disapparates and takes them back to the daisy field.

The first thing Emberley sees is Dobby and Sméagol dancing around Kiz, throwing daisy chains on her body. Emberley suddenly loses her temper.

"What do you think you are doing?" she yells, "Do you want to make the situation worse?"

Sméagol and Dobby look at each other, confused. "What did we do, precious, eh?' Sméagol asks.

Emberley breathes in deeply. 'It is April,' she says, 'we are currently in England and it is April. April plus England equals SPRING which equals really big trigger for Kiz's hay fever!!!'

As they don't have hay fever in Middle-Earth, Sméagol is still confused. 'What's hay fever, precious?'

"It means she's allergic to the pollen. I think she's already suffered enough allergies for one day.

'But we didn't know,' Dobby argues.

'Well, you know now. Now, Peter, get your butt over there and kiss my friend better.'

'It's got to be a proper kiss as well,' Snape reminds him.

Peter nods hesitantly, then drops to his knees next to Kiz and kisses her. Emberley holds her breath hoping the kiss will work. It does. Kiz's eyes flutter open slowly. She smiles when she sees Peter leaning over her.

Emberley, being as over-excitable as she is, hugs Snape and then clasps her hands and bounces around gleefully, yelling, 'YAY!! SHE'S ALIVE. SHE'S ALIVE!!!'

Kiz rolls her eyes at her friend and then looks back to Peter, smiling. Emberley notices and takes an educated guess that Kiz wants to be alone with Peter and comes up with a plan to get rid of everybody She points towards the forest on the edge of the daisy field and yells, 'Hey, look everyone! It's Lord Voldemort! And he's joined forces with Sauron and the Ring!!!'

Most run away from the forest, except for Gilderoy, who is quite convinced he can take on both Dark Lords single-handed.

'What was that all about?' Peter asks.

'To get rid of everybody, of course.'

'Listen, Kiz… there's something I've been wanting to ask you, but I've been putting it off because of your dad.' Kiz holds her breath. Peter gives up trying to explain, and kisses her again, hoping she'll get his meaning.

A second later, this is interrupted when Dobby and Sméagol collide with them, jabbering incessantly. Kiz calms them down enough to understand what they're saying.

'_It's _H-h-h-he-w-who-mustnotbenamed,' stammers Dobby.

'It's him! It's HIM! The Master of the Precious. The real one!!'

'Oh, no. I thought she was kidding.'

'She was,' Peter says, 'She said that the Dark Lords were in the forest, but Smee and Dobs have come from the opposite direction.

'Wait a minute, Dobby, Sméagol, where's Em and Sev?' Kiz asks worriedly.

"Professor Snape was fighting the dark lords and Emberley went to help him. As for this Sev I wouldn't know whom you're talking about, miss,' Dobby replies.

Kiz is absolutely shocked. "_What_? Em and Sev are out fighting _THE DARK LORDS_ on their own? I have to go help." She Dissapparates to Emberley's side. Voldemort throws a powerful spell at Emberley, who collapses on the ground. Kiz panics for a second, but regains composure enough to cast the counter-charm and Emberley springs back up and picks up where she left off.

Together, Snape, Kiz and Emberley cast a powerful spell that gets rid of both Dark Lords so everyone is okay.

Emberley, again her over-excitable self, throws her arms around Sev again in a fit of joy. He looks disgusted for a second, before realising that underneath the Hufflepuffish exterior, Emberley is (somehow) a tru Slytherin at heart, and returns her embrace.

Meanwhile, Kiz joins Peter, who arrives just in time to get out of doing anything important. 'Are you okay, Kiz?" he asks.

Kiz goes all mushy. "I am now you're here. Okay, so what were you going to ask before we got inter-disturbed."

'Before we got what?'

'I was going to say interrupted, but then I changed my mind.'

Peter takes Kiz's hand in his and orbs out to another beautiful English location so they can be on their own. "Kiz, I loved you since the first time I ever laid eyes on you. I'm pretty sure you share some of those feelings and I was wondering if you would do the honour of making me the happiest man who ever lived?"

Kiz starts to freak out, before giving him an answer. **_"YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"_** She kisses him again, and he pulls out an engagement ring and slips it on her finger. After a few minutes, they orb back to the daisy field.

Emberley runs up to them. "Okay, Peter, what the hell did you think you were doing kidnapping my best friend like that?"

Kiz holds out the hand with the ring on it. "I'm engaged!!!!!!!!"

Emberley looks absolutely shocked and turns away for a second, muttering under her breath. 'Okay, let's all have this completely illegal, underage wedding.' She turns back and in a completely two-faced manner, yells, 'Wahoo!!!! Go you!!! So when's it going to be, what are you going to where, can I be a bridesmaid?'

'Okay, Em, calm down. Right, before I forget, Lockhart, will you be one of my bridesmaids?'

"Do I get to wear a tiara?'

'No, I'm wearing a tiara, but you get to wear pink.' She grins hopefully at Lockhart.

'Yay! Okay!'

'Well, if he's your bridesmaid, I know who I'm having as my groomsmen. Oy, Dobby? Sméagol?'

Emberley is even more shocked than before. 'My God, Peter, no!!!'

'Hey, who's wedding is this?' Peter retorts.

Emberley looks imploringly at Kiz, but she is too busy staring adoringly at Peter. 'Um, Kiz?' said Emberley, 'I'm really, _really_ sorry, but … I think I have something on on the day of your wedding. Really sorry.'

'Em, we don't have a day set yet.'

'Yeah, I know, but…'

Dobby and Sméagol are feeling somewhat left out since the attention has been away from them for almost the whole chapter. "Um,' says Dobby, 'has everyone forgotten that we exist?'

'Of course not,' says Kiz indignantly, 'I was just looking at your daisy chains. Did you make them?' Dobby and Sméagol nod. 'Do you think you could make some for the wedding?'

'Sure,' they reply.

Kiz tugs on Peter's sleeve. 'Hey, it's getting late. We should probably go now.'

Emberley agrees. 'Yeah, we should probably all go.' She makes to join Kiz and Peter, but Snape grabs her.

'Em, how about I take you somewhere so Kiz and Peter can spend some time alone?'

Emberley jumps. 'Holy crap, Sev, you scared me.'

'Good.'

'Where've you been?'

'About.'

'Rightio.'

Every one vanishes leaving Dobby and Sméagol on their own in a Daisy field.

"So…" said Dobby.

"So…" Sméagol replied.

'Do you want to make daisy chains again, Smee?'

'All right.

Dobby and Smee are left making daisy chains in a distant daisy field somewhere distant in London… well, actually we're not sure where, but that'll do for now.

Yes, we know Orbing is from Charmed, but Kiz likes Orbing so we just put it in.

**A/N:**

**Kiz:** Oh, my God, how long did it take us to get this done? What will happen when we return? Only time will tell. We made it long to make up for the time it has taken.

**Emberley:** Snape is taking me out. I could write a separate fic all about that… hhhhmmm _gets a mischievous, Dumbledore-esque sparkle in her eye_

**Kiz:** I'm scared now.

**Emberley:** Nah, was only kidding.

**Kiz:** Well, yes. Anyways, until then, please review!!!


End file.
